Alaska

We're here, we've been here for about a month now. It's lovely. Granted we've been deprived of cold weather for four years now, we may be sick of it soon, but we love it! We went sledding with the boys today and I must admit that I enjoyed it probably as much if not more then they did. I need some of those snow pants though. My legs got a little cold after crashing a few times.

I need to catch up on so much stuff I don't know where to start. But I guess for lack of a better place I'll start with my last blog. I announced how sick I was during my pregnancy. Well unfortunately after we got here we went in for our ultrasound and found out that the baby had died. It was truly an awful day. We didn't really know anyone and had to do some juggling to find some help with our other kids. We were lucky we knew some one from the band in GA that is up here as well.

My heart broke into a million questions. Why? Why would we get pregnant after having a vasectomy only to not keep this baby? What are we supposed to do now? How do I explain this to a six year old whose been praying for a sister for so long and thought his prayers were being answered? How do I hold it together and continue to live when i feel like part of me just died too? The list goes on and on.

I had a very neat experience the night before we found out. I was looking through some old memorabila and listening to Mike read to our boys. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of completness and joy. I felt like my life was truly perfect. I was so happy. I woke the next day still feeling this happy. It was nice to reflect on that as I felt so much sorrow. I know that Ihave a wonderful family and that for whatever reason I didn't get to hold and love and raise that baby that God knows more then me and things will be okay. My heart will heal and my love will still grow.

I think I'll let that be my post for today. This Thanksgiving will be wonderful as I am truly thankful for all I have.

Until I sneak on Mike's computer again. :)